Wouldn’t it be great if moving “forward in a rational and perhaps more organized manner” was everyone’s goal?

Unfortunately, it’s often not the case that people in our lives are committed to resolving conflict in constructive ways. However, as Kofi Annan mentions, when issues are important and persistent it does no one any good to ignore them and hope they will work themselves out. In reality, issues that are addressed often result in more positive outcomes than those that are ignored.

Predictors of Positive Outcomes

Recent research from Creative Metrics LLC (www.conflictlens.com) reveals there are specific behaviors we can practice and apply that predict positive outcomes in conflict situations. They include the ability to trust, empathize and affiliate:

Trust
Do you tend to give the benefit of the doubt to someone you trust over someone you do not? Sure! If we feel wronged, we will often rationalize away the person’s behavior if there is a foundation of trust between the two of us. We might assume they are having a bad day, or they aren’t fully aware of all the reasons behind our decision, or perhaps they are struggling with a very stressful personal situation.

The higher the level of trust, the more likely we will be able to achieve constructive outcomes when in conflict with this person. The next time you experience conflict with someone, evaluate where your trust level is with them, even if it means estimating on a scale of 1 to 10. This knowledge will help you identify which chronically troublesome relationships need an infusion of trust building to achieve positive future outcomes. It will also give you a more realistic perspective to not expect miracles from relationships where neither person trusts the other.

Empathy
This means the ability to step into the other person’s shoes and take their perspective. Empathy means you make an effort to understand their point of view. When people feel understood, they are generally more willing to work with you than battle against you.

To build empathy, try switching roles the net time you are in conflict with someone and re-state their remarks exactly as spoken. This is different than interpreting what you think you heard them say and putting your own spin on it. It means repeating exactly what you heard them say—you are restating their words in a very calm, objective manner.

By not paraphrasing or implying a different meaning with voice tone, inflection or body language, you show the other person that you have heard them and understand their frustration, anger, etc. You don’t necessarily have to agree! In most cases, people just want to know that someone understands and respects them enough to listen. However, in most conflict situations, we are so busy defending our own positions that we give little time or energy to really hearing what the other person has to say!

Affiliate
Isn’t it amazing how much you find you have in common with someone when you make an effort to spend more time with him or her? Often, co-workers find they easily resolve work related issues once they have a chance to get to know each other better under other circumstances.

It’s too easy in today’s fast-paced, technologically advanced world to limit the amount of individual contact we share with co-workers. The “Silo Effect” is a term that addresses departments that operate independently without any contact between other departments whose functions overlap with theirs. Here are some ways to avoid the Silo Effect and establish more affiliation between co-workers:

• Establish cross-functional Process Teams to address and resolve ongoing operational, customer relations or efficiency problems.
   
• Host a Department “Open House” where you showcase department successes, personnel and favorite foods!
   
• Create a friendly competition where teams are made up of personnel from various departments (clean-up crews, charity fundraisers, landscaping teams, etc.).

To read more on communication, see HDI's focus book Basic Communication Skills: Are We Speaking the Same Language by Laura Benjamin. This book is available on the HDI eStore at www.thinkhdiestore.com.